How to Cook a Turkey: 2012

Tired of the same old succulent bird year after year?  Been scouring the Internet looking for a cutting-edge turkey preparation techniques?  Anyone coming to dinner against whom you have a massive grudge? 

Well, look no further!

It’s that time of year again, when the culinary geniuses of Miss Judi’s four-year-old class at the Children’s Workshop Preschool put their little noggins together to devise a recipe for Thanksgiving dinner that will rock your world (or at least your intestines).

Here we go, yo:

1. Go hunt for a turkey on a mountain or in the woods.
2.  If you can’t find one, buy it at Shop Rite.  (This is not meant to be an endorsement of Shop Rite.  I’m sure if you can’t find one there, you can probably find a perfectly good turkey on a mountain.)
3. Put it in the trunk of our car.  (It may be an important detail that the turkey goes in the trunk of the 4-year-olds’ car, not your car.)
4. Take it out of the package.
5. Wash it with water and cut the nasty stuff off with scissors or a knife.  (If it was up to me, there would be no turkey left after this step.)
6. Put on black pepper and salt.  And maybe maple syrup.  (Because what doesn’t taste better with maple syrup?)
7. Stuff the turkey with vegetables and juice and wasabi (not for the faint hearted) and beans and carrots and apples and rice and stinky seaweed.
8. Heat the oven to a trillion hot.  Or 1000 degrees.
9. Cook it for 100 hours.
10. Take it out and eat it.

Happy Thanksgiving, dear readers!

Disclaimer: Any follower of this recipe (or guest at the table of the recipe follower) holds Melissa, Ms. Judi and the four-year-old class at the Children’s Workshop Preschool harmless for any damages, including illness or death, that result from following any and all of the above instructions for cooking a turkey.

How to Cook a Turkey

Every year Thanksgiving takes me back to the same place…the Internet. I rely on the information super highway to quickly school me in the intricacies preparing and roasting the turkey: How long should you thaw a frozen turkey (one night is NOT enough)? How do you truss it? At what temperature do you cook it? How often should you baste it? What if it starts to brown too quickly? How do you know when it’s done.

Well, this year, I didn’t have to Google the answers, and thanks to the 4-year-old class at Grandma Judi’s preschool, The Children’s Workshop, neither do you.

How to Cook a Turkey
(By the 4-year-old class at Miss Judi’s Children’s Workshop Preschool)

1. Shoot a turkey with a bow and arrow. If you don’t have an arrow, buy a turkey at Shop-Rite.
2. Put your turkey in a seat belt and drive it home.
3. Give the turkey a bath. (No soap.)
4. Dry it with a towel.
5. Put butter on it; put mayonnaise and cheese on it.
6. Heat up the oven really hot. Really really hot. Super hot.
7. Put the turkey in for at least one minute, but maybe 4 or 6 minutes.
8. Don’t forget to stuff it first. You can use pudding, ice cream, strawberries, blueberries and chocolate.
9. Take it out of the oven, cut it up, put it on a plate, say “Enjoy!” and eat it.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!


Disclaimer: Any follower of this recipe (or guest at the table of the recipe follower) holds Melissa , Grandma Judi and the four year old class at the Children’s Workshop Preschool harmless for any damages, including illness or death, that result from following any and all of the above instructions for cooking a turkey.